Hopeful

Patience: an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.

That's one of the definitions dictionary.com provided. There are some key words in there that are applying to my life right now. Suppress, restlessness, and delay are some of the big ones.

I've been in Cardiff for about two and half weeks, not that long to be honest. However, in my mind, I would like to be good friends with at least 10 people by now and have a University Ministry plan already underway. In reality, I'm no where near that point!

Patience has always been an issue with me. I'm very proactive in getting things done, if I can do it now why wait? If there's a decision to be made, well let's hurry up and decide!... That's how my mind works.... However, at this time God has placed me in a very slow-paced environment, which is challenging for me to say the least! Our church has literally JUST begun. We're in the infant stages of this community, and it takes time to grow-up in a healthy way. A part of me really just wants to be busy, and be validated by the amount of work I get done and the fruit that is produced by that labor. Right now, I'm honestly not that busy. It's not because I'm avoiding things that need to get done, it just takes time to get acclimated and get plans in place.

Even though this is challenging for me, I'm thankful for this phase of the journey. It's taking a lot of faith and a lot of patience (which we all know I'm not very good at!) to keep going. It's very easy to question whether or not things are happening like they should. I was reading in Psalms the other day and I came across this verse, "For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation" Psalm 100:5. That's what I'm holding onto. God is good, He is love, and He is faithful... He told me to come and paved the way to make it possible. I need to continue to trust Him through each stage of the journey, even the slow ones!

With all this said, I'm hopeful for the months to come, and I have made some friends with the staff at Starbucks in the Student Union of Cardiff Metropolitan University. These two ladies have questioned me about everything from the weather to prayer to sin to Jesus Himself! We had a great conversation a few days ago, and when I stopped in yesterday they fixed me my chi tea latte and gave to me for free!

Progress has been made with ministry plans for the campus. I finally found out who I need to talk to about doing things on campus, and tomorrow I meet with someone from a student group called the Christian Union. We're going to discuss ministry ideas and a possible partnership. We are also having an open house this Saturday at the Elliotts home, our temporary meeting place for the church. We've been going around the neighborhood stuffing flyers in everyone's mailboxes, I think we're getting close to about 1,000 flyers passed out! We have several more "getting to know people" events planned for the next few weeks as well.

Progress is being made and I'm learning to have some patience. I keep reminding myself that God is good, He is loving, and He is faithful.... I know God is teaching me patience, but I believe He is also teaching me to remain faithful, even when it feels like I'm not doing much at all. My value and self-worth needs to stem from who I am in Christ, not how much busy work I get done, or how many lives I see changed. I'm here to be a witness for Jesus, that's it. He's doing the rest.

God is good.

God is loving.

God is faithful.

And I... am hopeful.

Settled

I've been in Wales for one week today! It feels like I just got here, but it also feels like I've been here longer.

Pretty much all of my time has been spent getting settled into my house and learning the city. The flights over here went well, no major delays or missed flights. Not a huge fan of flying, but I already knew that. The first few days I stayed with the Elliotts. They showed me around town and took me to get supplies and whatnot. I moved into my house on Wednesday evening and have been getting things organized. It's a big 3 story Victorian house. Right now I live with 6 other people and I think there are still some open rooms in the house. I'm on the 3rd floor in a small room, but it's nice. The heater currently is not working, but I think they are coming to fix it today, hopefully :) My house is in a great location. It's walking distance to the Elliotts house, a supermarket, and just down the road form a University Campus. There's also a bus stop and park just across the street.

I've discovered that the weather in Wales is just as and maybe more bipolar than it is in Kansas. It can go from blinding sunshine, to freak hailstorm, to raining, and then back to sunny in a matter of minutes! I like it though. I was afraid it was going to be raining 24/7 but there have definitely been some sunny parts of the day.

In some ways I feel like I haven't done anything yet, but honestly getting settled and adjusting to the time and cultural differences takes time. The Elliotts and another missionary from the States have encouraged me to take it easy this first week, and assured me that what I've gotten done this week is good for someone who's only been here for a few days.

A lot of what I will be doing is trying to meet people and get them involved in our church, Capital City Church. It's not because we just want to look big and have more people at our meetings. We're aiming to get people involved so they can discover who Jesus is and fall in love with Him. I will also be helping with pretty much anything we do, such as Sunday School, the Alpha Course we are doing on Tuesday nights, and various outreaches we have planned. I also have a few projects that will be given to me that I can work on. I'm planning on spending some time at the University as well to develop relationships with the students and staff so it can be an open door for ministry.

God is good. There's challenges, fears, and doubts along the way, but I'm glad I have Christ as my foundation to turn to. Being on the other side of the planet doesn't seem quite so daunting when I know I have Jesus with me, as well as other Christians on a similar journey.

Please continue to pray for me as I begin to start working towards meeting more people and doing projects for the church. I need Him to do this, because if I don't have the power of the Holy Spirit with me and if I don't keep Christ first, than this is simply a waste of time.

Thank you so much for everything!

P.S. If you want to see some photos check out my facebook page :)

Really?

Am I really moving halfway across the planet tomorrow?!?!?

That's definitely what I'm feeling right now. All the work of fund-raising, getting a visa, finding a place to live, and packing a years worth of clothes into two suitcases has all come down to this. I'll be leaving my house and heading for the airport in less than 12 hrs. By 4am on Saturday our time I'll be arriving in Cardiff... It's a mixture of very excited and and very freaked out at the same time!

Looking back, I'm amazed at how God has worked everything out. Everything has fallen into place just in time. God is good.

I'm so thankful for the part you are playing in this journey. All the prayers, all the words of encouragement, and all the money you have blessed me with has made it possible. Thank you so much!

I ask that you would keep me in your prayers as I travel, and as I start in the ministry God has planned for me. I NEED Jesus to do this, I need to hear the Holy Spirit and be obedient! Please pray that God would use me as He sees fit. Please pray for the boldness I need and that God would bring me joy and peace in the work I'll be doing.

The journey is finally beginning! It's been a long time coming, but I'm glad it's happening in Gods timing, which is, as always, perfect :)

Not Alone

Some of my fellow Nomad interns from South Africa will be heading back to S.A. sometime early in 2012. They happen to be from the same town back in the States, even though they didn't really know each other before they met in Africa. Some of my other intern friends from S.A. have recently gotten married and are also heading back to the mission field. We're all in the same boat, preparing to go on a new adventure and anxiously awaiting what's next!... However, I can't help but wish that I had someone who was going with me to Wales, like my friends do. Just someone who I could talk to and be excited with. I feel like life's experiences are more fulfilling when they are shared with someone else. I won't be totally alone in Wales. I know the missionaries I'll be working with and I'm excited to be with them, but it's not the same because I'm only there for a short time and when I come back there's no one here who I can really relate to about my time in Wales.

Just a few days ago I heard this song, Not Alone, by Red. It was incredibly encouraging to me! To be honest, I felt like Jesus was singing this just to me.

I am with you
I will carry you through it all.

I won't leave you
I will catch you
When you feel like letting go.

'Cause you're not,
you're not alone.

I really can't explain it, but Jesus felt so close to me the other night when I was laying in bed listening to this song over and over! I feel comforted and more prepared to face what's next!

I am with you!

May we always remember this. Jesus is literally always with you!

I hope this encourages you as much as it did me.

The Spotlight

I hate being in the spotlight. It's weird because I don't mind being the center of attention in some situations, but if there is some party or event or anything like that and it's focused on me, I don't like it. The unfortunate thing with being a missionary is that in some ways you are forced to be in the spotlight. More so than being in the spotlight or on stage,I don't like feeling like I'm bragging when I talk about what I'm doing with my life. "Look at me, I'm going overseas to be a missionary." That's not my heart at all, but I can't help but feel like that's how others may be perceiving me at times.

This past year I've met new people and run into old friends, and of course the question is always asked, "What are you doing now?" My reply usually goes like this, "Well, I graduated from K-State in December 2009, I spent 2010 in South Africa doing children's ministry with OneHope, this year I'm working at an elementary school as a para with behavior disorder kids, and next year I'm moving to Wales to do church planting." Most people's responses are something like, "Oh, wow!" I cringe on the inside and feel like a jerk. I feel like I'm bragging and trying to seem holier-than-thou.

The truth is God has called all of us to different things. A part of me wants everyone that can be a missionary to be one. I really feel like at least a year of just serving with a missionary in another country has so many benefits, but truthfully not everyone can do that and not everyone is supposed to. Although, I'll always at least suggest it to a college student.

We are all missionaries, but not everyone is called to be a vocational missionary. I feel like God has called me to be a vocational missionary. Why else would He put such a desire in my heart to help people, to travel, and to have a love of photographing new places? But, just because I think God wants me to be a vocational missionary doesn't make me any better than the person he has called to be a stay-at-home mom or a businessman. It's easy to think that a missionary is a better Christian because they are willing to move around, openly talk about Jesus, and have to raise money to live off of, but it's not true at all. We are at our best when we are our true selves. When we do what God wants us to do. In my case that may well be full time missionary work overseas, and for someone else it may be working at grocery store. One is not better than the other. However, if that person called to be a missionary doesn't do so because they are scared, they aren't being Gods best. And if that person who is called to work at a grocery store thinks it's not good enough and instead decides to go overseas because it seems like the good Christian thing to do, they aren't being Gods best either... So how do we know what's Gods best for us? Spend time with Him and you'll know. I know that sounds like a cop-out answer, but really it's what it comes down to. Unless you know someone how are you supposed to know what they want you to do?

I read this article today and that's what inspired me to write this post. We need Christians everywhere. Overseas as missionaries and in the everyday mundane. I like that the author makes the point of how a missionaries life isn't always as exciting as it's made out to be. Truthfully, when I was in Africa I spent a lot of time cleaning, cooking, doing behind the scenes work, and even writing soccer clinic curriculum (never saw that one coming!) It wasn't all glory and adventure. Yes, I did live on a game farm, which was an adventure in itself, and I did get to go to Victoria Falls and Cape Town, but those were just a few days out of the 10 months I was there. A missionaries life can be very exciting at times, but there is a lot of the mundane in it as well.

I guess it really comes down to this, it's not about the adventure. It's about being true to who God wants you to be. Whatever it is. Be true to that and don't try to be something God doesn't want to be; but also, don't afraid to be what God has called you to be!

As long as you are following after God's heart and doing what He asks you to do, that's your best. I never, ever, ever want anyone to think that I'm better than anyone else because I'm a missionary. I'm just trying to find out what God really wants me to do, and be faithful to that. I believe that's what He wants from all of us.

He wants that intimate love relationship, and through that He will make the path you are supposed to take clear. Love first, then comes direction. We must seek HIM, not a 5-yr plan.

When you are in that place of loving Jesus and following His calling on your life it will be an adventure; whether it be sweeping a floor, or writing computer soft-wear, or being a missionary in Africa or in Europe. Loving Jesus is the true adventure, not the job or the location.

You Said

Has God ever used a song or something else over and over again in your life to show you something? I love it when He does that. It gives you confirmation that He is there and really does know you! He knows that thing that will speak to your heart.

There's a song by Shane and Shane called You Said that God has used to speak to me several times.

The first time I heard this song was a few week after I had gone to The World Missions Summit over Christmas break 2008. It was at TWMS that I decided to give a year to missions. I believe it was the first Sunday after the conference and I was at my home church in Fort Scott. During worship they played this song and part of the chorus goes like this, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you, oh Lord that's the cry of my heart. Distant shores and the islands will see Your light as it rises on us." When I heard that it hit me! That really had become the cry of my heart and God was confirming that. After the song my pastor asked that anyone who had that burden on their heart would stand up because he wanted to pray for them. Now I'm generally shy about standing up in church or going up for prayer, but I knew that I needed to this time. It was a final commitment to giving that year.

A year later I was back at my home church, and this was my last day at home before I left for South Africa. I was nervous and anxious about going. During worship they sang You Said again. It was such a comfort and reassurance of what God had been telling me to do.

After I had been in South Africa for a few months we went to a bigger city, Polokwane, to get out of the bush and go to church. I believe it was in march. The service was nice, a bit more like home which was a comfort after being gone for a while. There was an elderly lady there named Carol who was from the States and had worked with this church for decades. That Sunday they had her go up and share what she had been doing all these years. It turns out she was from Kansas! I couldn't believe it. On the other side of the planet and I find someone else from my home state. She had made a slide show, but when they started it there was no music. So she made them stop it and get it fixed so it would play with the music... Guess what song it was? You Said! I was blown away by God giving me that song again! It was awesome. I knew He had worked all that out just for me.

Just a few weeks ago I was back in Fort Scott for Thanksgiving. Like I said in my previous post, I've had a lot of spiritual attack with regards to going to Wales. I needed encouragement, I needed a touch from Jesus. I got it. During the offering time the worship leader did a solo, You Said. Every time I hear that song it brings warmth to my heart. I know Jesus is right there with me. Not only that, but it brings back the passion I so quickly loose about reaching the lost. So many don't get to see the Light rising on us. We need to go the those distant shores and islands so those in darkness can see the Light!... The sermon that Sunday was over Psalms 91 and it encouraged me so much. It gave me a peace.

Ask and I'll give the nations to you, Oh Lord that's the cry of my heart.
Distant shores and the islands will see Your light as it rises on us.


God is always speaking to us, to you. In a specific way. He has those special little things He uses just for you, no one else. Take the time to listen to what He's saying...Behind everything He says there will be this, "I love you, I want you! You bring me joy and I am desperate for you! Please come to me."

You Said.

That's just one of the ways God has spoken to me and I wanted to share it with you.

Encouragement

The time for my departure is fast approaching!... I still don't have my visa or a flight, but I'm trusting that it will come in quickly and I'll still be able to leave in mid January, just a month away!

I'm very excited, but also very nervous at the same time! To tell you that I have no concerns about next year would be a straight out lie. There's about a thousand different things I could be concerned with, and I'm familiar with the stresses that come along with moving to the other side of the planet. I know I will encounter many awkward and uncomfortable situations, I'm going to be pushed to edge of my comfort zone for sure! Not only that, but I'm leaving behind all of my family and friends. Granted, there are the wonders of the internet, and I'm sure I'll get my use out of Skype next year. But, with all the available technology, you can't replace time spent in the presence of your family and friends. Simply enjoying the company of those you are around.... With all this said, I'm fairly certain that I've also been under a lot of spiritual attack lately. As soon as I go to bed I'm plagued with doubts as to whether or not I'm doing the right thing, or if I'm in any way capable of doing it. I think of the reasons why I shouldn't be going. and all the things I'm not good at and really can't do. To be totally honest, a lot of times the thought, "What the hell am I doing?!" runs through my head.

I truly believe all of this is spiritual warfare. Just this morning as I was walking out the door to go to church, my last Sunday in Manhattan before I leave, the thought "Why am I doing this?" ran through my head. I did my best to push it aside and then headed off to church. As I walked into the sanctuary I said hello to one of the lady's I know, she smiled back and kept walking. Then she stopped and came back to me. She gave me a hug and told me she wanted to say goodbye before I left. Next she said something else, something that cut right to my heart. She said, "You know Paul, right from when I very first met you I knew God had this call on your life. It's a hard call, but thank you. Amen" It's like God was speaking directly to me, it took me a few minutes to think about it and realize how blatantly God was confirming this in my life! I sat down next to some of my friends, and then one of the high-school boys come up to me and gave me a bag of chocolate covered peanuts. He said, "I just want you to know that we are praying for you and what you're doing is awesome. Merry Christmas." Again, a direct confirmation that I'm doing what God has for me. The interesting thing is that I'm not close friends with either of the people who talked to me today, which I think confirms it even more that it was God talking right to me. It was so encouraging! It lifted my spirit.

Next year will be hard, there's no doubt about that, but I also know it will be an incredible adventure. Every time I've stepped out on a limb when I felt God calling me to do something it's been very hard and very rewarding. South Africa was an adventure to say the least, and I'm guessing Europe will be as well. God doesn't change, so the way He treats His children won't change either. I've seen Him faithful through and through, so I know He will continue to be there for me!.. I'm sad to be leaving my family and friends behind, but I know that I have a new family and new friends waiting for me in Wales. Every time I've moved someplace new God's provided that for me, and I still have meaningful relationships with people from those places.

Today I was encouraged. Today God spoke right to my heart and gave me the confirmation I needed.

The next couple of days will be bittersweet. I'm excited to be moving on, but I will miss everyone here in Manhattan so much!

It's a new chapter in the journey, and I can't wait to see what happens!