Worthless

I'm probably my own worst critic. I can't help but analyze everything I do and wish I had done or said something differently. I can't help but wish I was more like so and so. More outgoing. More creative. More theological... In these times of self-analysis, it's so easy to fall into the trap of feeling worthless. "What do I have to offer? What's the point? There's definitely someone better for this job or activity."

I was journaling this morning and reflecting on the past few months I've been in Wales. It's been amazing and challenging at the same time. Like I've said in previous posts, I can be very task oriented and enjoy getting things done. I haven't had that many "things" to get done recently, and to a certain extent I've lost my identity in that. I'm the person that gets things done and I feel good about it... Now that I don't have lots of "things" to get done, where am I going to get my satisfaction from? My identity from?

It all has to come from Jesus. Simply living in the truth that God loves me beyond imagination. Why? Because I'm me. Paul John Cook. He made me a certain way, and there's no one else like me. I can bring a smile to Jesus' face in a way that no one else can... I'm sure some of you at this point may be thinking, "Geeze, this guy is really full of himself!" It certainly sounds that way, but the truth is God really does love each of us in this way. It's hard for me to accept this love, it's hard for me to be Ok with being me. There's so many things I'd like to change, but I'm realizing that I don't have to. It's Ok to be you, it's Ok to be me... It's Ok that I'm different than the average Joe. To be totally honest I have no interest in sports or video games, although about 99% of all other guys my age do. I'd rather take photos, or hop in a car and go for a road trip! I love being around people, but there's times when I have nothing to say and I'm kind of a sucky conversationalist. I don't know why, but it just happens that way. Sometimes I want to boss people around and be in charge, and other times I'd much rather be the one behind the scenes doing the things people don't see or think about doing.... All summed up, I'm weird. haha. But, that's the way God made me, and who am I to question that?

Now there's more to this, and here's what God showed me this morning. In those times when I'm analyzing myself, wishing I was different and feeling worthless it's doing harm not only to myself, but to God. We are God's creation, made in His image. So when we look at ourselves in disgust and long to be something different, we're essentially spitting in God's face and telling Him He's messed up big time. "What was He thinking making me this way? That's dumb."... We have no place to question God in this way, no place to criticize His creation. There's something holy about a life, about a person. Something we really can't quite grasp. To look at a life, your life and say it should be something more, something different, is wrong. We are the image bearers of God, His prized possession. We are mysterious and worthy because God is.

We are all born into sin, but because of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, fulfilling the law, we are now blameless in God's sight... We aren't perfect, that's for sure. I definitely have plenty of things God is still working on in my life. And I do think it's important for us to strive to become better. To grow intellectually in our thinking. To challenge ourselves to step outside of our comfort zones. But, if you've accepted Christ as your savior, and you're seeking after Him with all that you are, then it's Ok to be you. It's Ok to not be perfect, it's Ok to be a little weird. God sees us at our full potential. He isn't bound by time like we are. Right now we may have a long way to go, but He sees us for all that we are capable of and all that we will become.

So if you find yourself, like I often do, in times of self-analysis and wishing for something different, stop. Just Stop. Rest in the peace and knowledge that God loves you just the way you are. Don't insult God by telling Him He messed up when He made us... I'm pretty sure He knows what He's doing, so let's not worry about that.

Worthless

To

Worthy

We are not worthless, but worthy because of Christ!