It's been some time since I've frequented the blogging scene. Three months is what it looks like from my last post.
Too long.
I typically don't write unless I feel like God's told me to write something. I think a big reason it's been so long is because I haven't been spending enough time with God to hear what He's saying to me.
Life.
It always seems to get in the way somehow. But, you can't escape it... Over the last several months I've let far too many distractions get in the way of my relationship with Jesus. It got to the point that if I opened my bible once a week I was doing good.
Apathy had set in... Not only that, I had become a little too comfortable and complacent. And, tired... I think exhaustion is one of the devil's most powerful weapons.
I could keep going on, and probably come up with several valid excuses, but the truth is spending time with Jesus is a choice. Of course there will be distractions, there always will be, the hard part is keeping focused and setting our hearts on what's eternal... I set my heart on more temporal things and ultimately it left me feeling exhausted and alone.
I'm coming back.
Back to Jesus. Back to intimacy with Him. Back to the One who's been through everything (good and bad) with me... I find myself looking back at the adventures I've had traveling around the world these past few years and to be honest, it feels completely surreal! I think to myself, "Was I really there, did that really happen?!". And, "I wish I had someone with me who I could have experienced all these things with. Someone I can reminisce with.". The truth is, there is! It's Jesus. I know it's different than a human relationship with someone, but He's been there with me, every step of the way. When I would go for a walk in the South African bush to watch the sunset. When I was in Wales wondering why on earth I had gone there. When I was in Germany at a Students For Christ conference. When I was in Panama at a drug rehab center in the middle of the jungle. And, beside me right now, here in Wichita, KS.
I don't know where you're at right now, whether you've become distracted as I so easily do. What I do know is that God wants you to come back, and come even closer.
I'm coming back.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
New
I find it quite hard to believe that 2013 is almost half over. It seems like it was January just a few days ago and now we are well on our way into May!
Being at a halfway(ish) point through the year I've been taking a look back at 2013. I've realized that this year has brought a lot of new things in my life.
The biggest change of course would be living in a new city and having a new job. I've been in Wichita for 3 months now, and at Furniture Medic as a Shop Technician for 2 months. This is the first time I've had a "real", semi-permanent, full time job post-college. In some ways the whole 8-5 thing is pretty nice, but I will admit it's been an adjustment. I've been very blessed with this job because it's something I actually enjoy doing, refinishing furniture, it's about 10 minutes from my apartment, and it's a small, Christian based company. I've definitely had my fair share of mess-ups at work these past few months, but my bosses are extremely patient and are always asking if I'm doing Ok. This isn't something I will do for the rest of my life, but for this season it seems to be just the right fit.
Along with living in a new city has come a lot of new friends. Even though I've just been here a few months, in some ways it seems a lot longer because I already feel very much at home hanging out with my new circle of friends... I've been put in charge of planning events for our young adults group at church, I guess I'm an event planner at heart because I always end up doing that wherever I go. I think it comes from my passion for community and the desire to do life alongside other people.
Something else new this year is a my car. I debated back and forth for several months on whether or not to get a different vehicle and finally came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to get a different vehicle until things started to go wrong with my truck. A few weeks later all the gauges on my truck decided to stop working on my way home from work; I took it as a sign it was time. I found the vehicle I wanted that night on Craigslist, saw it the next day (which happened to be my 25th birthday) and put down payment on it the day after. I was able to get a great deal on the car because it had some hail damage on it, who cares about a few dents anyways?... With what I had saved and selling my truck for only $900 less than I paid for it 8 yrs ago when it had 40,000 less miles on it, I've been able to pay off most of my car loan and should have it completely paid off by next May.
I think what this all comes down to is I've been feeling very blessed this year! God's given me so much, including a brand new laptop and new-to-me iPhone that were both unexpected gifts!... To be honest, I feel quite spoiled and I really don't deserve any of this. I've sat and wondered why God would give so much to me.... I don't know why or how He loves me so much, but I've definitely seen that love these past few months!
I'm not writing about all these "things" to brag about it. In some ways I almost dis-like having these "things", but I just want to say thank you to the One who's given me all of this, and so much more!
I do know that God blesses us for a reason, and that's to share the blessing. I hope I can do my part to share what God's given me, and give Him the glory for it all.
Thank You, Jesus... You've given me so much and I wish there was something else I could say, but my words fall short. You know my heart, and that's enough. Thank You.
Being at a halfway(ish) point through the year I've been taking a look back at 2013. I've realized that this year has brought a lot of new things in my life.
The biggest change of course would be living in a new city and having a new job. I've been in Wichita for 3 months now, and at Furniture Medic as a Shop Technician for 2 months. This is the first time I've had a "real", semi-permanent, full time job post-college. In some ways the whole 8-5 thing is pretty nice, but I will admit it's been an adjustment. I've been very blessed with this job because it's something I actually enjoy doing, refinishing furniture, it's about 10 minutes from my apartment, and it's a small, Christian based company. I've definitely had my fair share of mess-ups at work these past few months, but my bosses are extremely patient and are always asking if I'm doing Ok. This isn't something I will do for the rest of my life, but for this season it seems to be just the right fit.
Along with living in a new city has come a lot of new friends. Even though I've just been here a few months, in some ways it seems a lot longer because I already feel very much at home hanging out with my new circle of friends... I've been put in charge of planning events for our young adults group at church, I guess I'm an event planner at heart because I always end up doing that wherever I go. I think it comes from my passion for community and the desire to do life alongside other people.
Something else new this year is a my car. I debated back and forth for several months on whether or not to get a different vehicle and finally came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to get a different vehicle until things started to go wrong with my truck. A few weeks later all the gauges on my truck decided to stop working on my way home from work; I took it as a sign it was time. I found the vehicle I wanted that night on Craigslist, saw it the next day (which happened to be my 25th birthday) and put down payment on it the day after. I was able to get a great deal on the car because it had some hail damage on it, who cares about a few dents anyways?... With what I had saved and selling my truck for only $900 less than I paid for it 8 yrs ago when it had 40,000 less miles on it, I've been able to pay off most of my car loan and should have it completely paid off by next May.
I think what this all comes down to is I've been feeling very blessed this year! God's given me so much, including a brand new laptop and new-to-me iPhone that were both unexpected gifts!... To be honest, I feel quite spoiled and I really don't deserve any of this. I've sat and wondered why God would give so much to me.... I don't know why or how He loves me so much, but I've definitely seen that love these past few months!
I'm not writing about all these "things" to brag about it. In some ways I almost dis-like having these "things", but I just want to say thank you to the One who's given me all of this, and so much more!
I do know that God blesses us for a reason, and that's to share the blessing. I hope I can do my part to share what God's given me, and give Him the glory for it all.
Thank You, Jesus... You've given me so much and I wish there was something else I could say, but my words fall short. You know my heart, and that's enough. Thank You.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Direction
I was standing in the kitchen this morning unloading the dishwasher (aren't I such a good roommate?) and out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw something in the apartment. I looked up, and of course nothing was there... For some reason the thought came to me, "How cool would be if Jesus just walked into the apartment and told me what to do" and I actually said out-loud, "Jesus, I wish You would just walk in here and tell me what to do!"
The second it came out of my mouth the Holy Spirit slapped me in the face... I want Jesus' directions more than I want Him!... What I should have said is, "Jesus, I wish You would just walk in here so we could be together and I could see Your face!"
The Bible tells us to seek after Him first and everything else will fall into place... I know this, but it's probably one of my biggest struggles.
Life, and our walk with Jesus, is about the journey, not the end destination.
I'm not really sure how long it's going to take me to learn this lesson, but I definitely got a reminder of that this morning.
May we all keep this perspective, and be obsessed with the Author of the story, not with trying to get to the next chapter as soon as possible.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Expectation
According to dictionary.com, expectation is: the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.
I've realized the past few days that I really don't expect, look forward or anticipate, great things from God like I should.
I've been job hunting for a while now. To be honest, I haven't been looking that intensely until I moved to Wichita about a week ago. I find myself conflicted. Do I wait for a job that I think I will actually enjoy, or just get any old thing that will pay the bills?... I believe God has me here for a reason and that He has the right job for me. But, I find myself almost expecting to not really find the "right" job, and that I'll most likely end up with something I hate.
Why do I do this? Why do I expect the worst when God's been so good to me in the past?
There's two reasons that come to mind... First, there's been times of disappointment and unmet expectations the past couple of years. Because of that, I've learned to no longer expect great things in order to not be let down. Secondly, I feel like I don't deserve great things. I've honestly done nothing to receive the blessings I've already gotten, and certainly don't deserve anything better. Also, how dare I expect great things from God when in comparison to the rest of the the world I'm living like a king? I'm here in my brothers large, 2-bedroom apartment listening to some Coldplay on the surround sound and texting my friends on my iPhone. I can take ten steps into the kitchen and eat whatever I want. It's freezing and snowy outside, but because we have central heat, I can sit here in a t-shirt and shorts and feel fine. There's 27 million people trapped in slavery around the world, and I sit here like a spoiled brat complaining about not finding the "perfect job"... I know God wants the best for me, I really believe that, but I feel guilty asking for it because there's sooooo many people that have nothing. How can I get even more when they have more and more torn away from them?... I don't understand it.
I really am still processing my second reason for not expecting God's best. I think that will take a lifetime to comprehend. However, my first reason, unmet expectations, that is something I can deal with now.... The truth is, I'm scared to dream. I'm the kind of person that once I get an idea in my head I usually make it happen one way or another. So, if I really dream, and dream big, what happens if I can't make it happen? I'm going to be letdown, and it will drive me crazy... But if I only try to achieve what I can do on my own, then I'll never be a part of something bigger than myself. I have to grow to the place of dreaming big, but being Ok with failing, and or waiting a long time for that dream to come true. I have to believe and trust that God is the author of my story and He's got some big surprises planned along the way. I have to expect to see Him work through me and give me dreams bigger than myself.
There is one dream that I've had for a while now. It's something most of my close friends already know. It's about moving to Paradise, aka Cape Town, and starting up a coffee shop/community center to do ministry out of. Thinking about it makes me feel alive and it just seems right. My friends and I spent an evening dreaming/planning what all we could do through this ministry. It was so much fun! It felt amazing to not limit ourselves and say whatever we thought we could do. It's a big dream, something that I couldn't do on my own for sure. A part of me is very hesitant to post this for the whole world to see, but I want to grow to that place of being willing to dream and share my dream with others.... Maybe this dream will change and evolve with time. Maybe it will come to pass in the next 5 years, or maybe it's 25 years down the road. Truth is, I really don't know, but I'm Ok with that. It's Ok to dream, and dream big! It's Ok to share that dream with others. And, it's Ok to wait for that dream and trust that if it's God's dream as well, it will certainly come to pass!
What are your dreams? Are you afraid to dream? Are you dreaming big? Are you expecting God's best?
God is passionate for us, and His dreams are bigger than we can imagine. May we all take the risk to dream big and not feel guilty in asking God for His best. He is for us, so who can be against us!
Feel free to comment below and share some of your dreams... I'll be praying for God's best in your life and the freedom to dream big!
I've realized the past few days that I really don't expect, look forward or anticipate, great things from God like I should.
I've been job hunting for a while now. To be honest, I haven't been looking that intensely until I moved to Wichita about a week ago. I find myself conflicted. Do I wait for a job that I think I will actually enjoy, or just get any old thing that will pay the bills?... I believe God has me here for a reason and that He has the right job for me. But, I find myself almost expecting to not really find the "right" job, and that I'll most likely end up with something I hate.
Why do I do this? Why do I expect the worst when God's been so good to me in the past?
There's two reasons that come to mind... First, there's been times of disappointment and unmet expectations the past couple of years. Because of that, I've learned to no longer expect great things in order to not be let down. Secondly, I feel like I don't deserve great things. I've honestly done nothing to receive the blessings I've already gotten, and certainly don't deserve anything better. Also, how dare I expect great things from God when in comparison to the rest of the the world I'm living like a king? I'm here in my brothers large, 2-bedroom apartment listening to some Coldplay on the surround sound and texting my friends on my iPhone. I can take ten steps into the kitchen and eat whatever I want. It's freezing and snowy outside, but because we have central heat, I can sit here in a t-shirt and shorts and feel fine. There's 27 million people trapped in slavery around the world, and I sit here like a spoiled brat complaining about not finding the "perfect job"... I know God wants the best for me, I really believe that, but I feel guilty asking for it because there's sooooo many people that have nothing. How can I get even more when they have more and more torn away from them?... I don't understand it.
I really am still processing my second reason for not expecting God's best. I think that will take a lifetime to comprehend. However, my first reason, unmet expectations, that is something I can deal with now.... The truth is, I'm scared to dream. I'm the kind of person that once I get an idea in my head I usually make it happen one way or another. So, if I really dream, and dream big, what happens if I can't make it happen? I'm going to be letdown, and it will drive me crazy... But if I only try to achieve what I can do on my own, then I'll never be a part of something bigger than myself. I have to grow to the place of dreaming big, but being Ok with failing, and or waiting a long time for that dream to come true. I have to believe and trust that God is the author of my story and He's got some big surprises planned along the way. I have to expect to see Him work through me and give me dreams bigger than myself.
There is one dream that I've had for a while now. It's something most of my close friends already know. It's about moving to Paradise, aka Cape Town, and starting up a coffee shop/community center to do ministry out of. Thinking about it makes me feel alive and it just seems right. My friends and I spent an evening dreaming/planning what all we could do through this ministry. It was so much fun! It felt amazing to not limit ourselves and say whatever we thought we could do. It's a big dream, something that I couldn't do on my own for sure. A part of me is very hesitant to post this for the whole world to see, but I want to grow to that place of being willing to dream and share my dream with others.... Maybe this dream will change and evolve with time. Maybe it will come to pass in the next 5 years, or maybe it's 25 years down the road. Truth is, I really don't know, but I'm Ok with that. It's Ok to dream, and dream big! It's Ok to share that dream with others. And, it's Ok to wait for that dream and trust that if it's God's dream as well, it will certainly come to pass!
 |
| Sunrise near Cape Town, South Africa |
What are your dreams? Are you afraid to dream? Are you dreaming big? Are you expecting God's best?
God is passionate for us, and His dreams are bigger than we can imagine. May we all take the risk to dream big and not feel guilty in asking God for His best. He is for us, so who can be against us!
Feel free to comment below and share some of your dreams... I'll be praying for God's best in your life and the freedom to dream big!
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