Expectation

According to dictionary.com, expectation is: the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

I've realized the past few days that I really don't expect, look forward or anticipate, great things from God like I should.

I've been job hunting for a while now. To be honest, I haven't been looking that intensely until I moved to Wichita about a week ago. I find myself conflicted. Do I wait for a job that I think I will actually enjoy, or just get any old thing that will pay the bills?... I believe God has me here for a reason and that He has the right job for me. But, I find myself almost expecting to not really find the "right" job, and that I'll most likely end up with something I hate.

Why do I do this? Why do I expect the worst when God's been so good to me in the past?

There's two reasons that come to mind... First, there's been times of disappointment and unmet expectations the past couple of years. Because of that, I've learned to no longer expect great things in order to not be let down. Secondly, I feel like I don't deserve great things. I've honestly done nothing to receive the blessings I've already gotten, and certainly don't deserve anything better. Also, how dare I expect great things from God when in comparison to the rest of the the world I'm living like a king? I'm here in my brothers large, 2-bedroom apartment listening to some Coldplay on the surround sound and texting my friends on my iPhone. I can take ten steps into the kitchen and eat whatever I want. It's freezing and snowy outside, but because we have central heat, I can sit here in a t-shirt and shorts and feel fine. There's 27 million people trapped in slavery around the world, and I sit here like a spoiled brat complaining about not finding the "perfect job"... I know God wants the best for me, I really believe that, but I feel guilty asking for it because there's sooooo many people that have nothing. How can I get even more when they have more and more torn away from them?... I don't understand it.

I really am still processing my second reason for not expecting God's best. I think that will take a lifetime to comprehend. However, my first reason, unmet expectations, that is something I can deal with now.... The truth is, I'm scared to dream. I'm the kind of person that once I get an idea in my head I usually make it happen one way or another. So, if I really dream, and dream big, what happens if I can't make it happen? I'm going to be letdown, and it will drive me crazy... But if I only try to achieve what I can do on my own, then I'll never be a part of something bigger than myself. I have to grow to the place of dreaming big, but being Ok with failing, and or waiting a long time for that dream to come true. I have to believe and trust that God is the author of my story and He's got some big surprises planned along the way. I have to expect to see Him work through me and give me dreams bigger than myself.

There is one dream that I've had for a while now. It's something most of my close friends already know. It's about moving to Paradise, aka Cape Town, and starting up a coffee shop/community center to do ministry out of. Thinking about it makes me feel alive and it just seems right. My friends and I spent an evening dreaming/planning what all we could do through this ministry. It was so much fun! It felt amazing to not limit ourselves and say whatever we thought we could do. It's a big dream, something that I couldn't do on my own for sure. A part of me is very hesitant to post this for the whole world to see, but I want to grow to that place of being willing to dream and share my dream with others.... Maybe this dream will change and evolve with time. Maybe it will come to pass in the next 5 years, or maybe it's 25 years down the road. Truth is, I really don't know, but I'm Ok with that. It's Ok to dream, and dream big! It's Ok to share that dream with others. And, it's Ok to wait for that dream and trust that if it's God's dream as well, it will certainly come to pass!

Sunrise near Cape Town, South Africa

What are your dreams? Are you afraid to dream? Are you dreaming big? Are you expecting God's best?

God is passionate for us, and His dreams are bigger than we can imagine. May we all take the risk to dream big and not feel guilty in asking God for His best. He is for us, so who can be against us!


Feel free to comment below and share some of your dreams... I'll be praying for God's best in your life and the freedom to dream big!